Tiffany Wood Yoga

The Dance of Yes and No

I can only please one person per day. Today I choose me.

How often do you say 'yes' to something out of obligation? Quite frequently, we say 'Yes' to the right thing for the wrong reason. When the 'shoulds' set in we compromise our Self and end up not being fully present or feeling resentful when we do show up. 

If you knew just how much this was zapping your energy levels, would you be willing to master The Dance of Yes & No?

Practical tips on how to make the right choice for the right reason:

Put your Self first. Do you really want to go? Does your heart light up when you think about doing it? If your immediate reaction makes you feel expansive and joyful, it probably means that it is something you want to do and is in alignment with your heart. Even if you get an immediate 'Yes', you will be well served to follow the steps below. There will very likely be other things that you will have to say 'No' to in order to keep yourself out of overwhelm.

If you are uncertain—you don’t shout out an immediate ‘yes’—sit with your Self, check in, and see what feels good for you. The more you take care of you Self first, the better you will feel, and you will recharge you, rather than leak energy out in the form of subconscious resentment! 

Basics:

  • Use a calendar! Never make an appointment without looking at your calendar.
  • Give yourself an hour or a day and create space to make the true choice.
  • Tell those who ask you for a commitment that you will check in and get back with them.
  • Let your calls go to voicemail and get clear with yourself without pressure.

Intermediate:       

  • Fill in your playtime and self-care time first. When your needs are being met you are more likely to honor how you can meet the needs of others in a way that comes from want instead of should.
  • Say NO to everyone and everything for at least 1 minute. How does taking away the ‘should open the door for a true 'Yes'? 
  • If you are feeling pressure about the decision you are about to sell out and ‘should on yourself. Say ‘No’ especially when it makes you uncomfortable. 

Know that disappointing others by saying 'No' is far better than agreeing to do something and showing up grouchy, tired and half present.

Advanced:

  • Learn how to choose in or choose out without guilt. Honor what is true for you.  
  • This means discovering what conditions are necessary for there to be a ‘yes.’ Do you go to the party for only an hour? What about it can you enjoy? Focus on that and see how you can choose in for the right reason. 
  • Honor when it's time to say 'No.' If you can't find a way to enjoy going to the soccer game because you haven't been on a hike in 2 weeks, go for the hike. 
  • Learn to recognize when you are tricking yourself. If you aren't excited to do it, you have conned yourself into it. Look for a way to see the good in the situation and show up in your heart. If your inner child is still bemoaning and pre-suffering the commitment, then its best to listen to that screaming 'NOOOO' in your head.  
  • ‘No’ supports the ‘Yes’ of a fulfilled and joyful life. Give yourself permission to say ‘NO!’
  • Take charge of your JOY. Make new agreements with the shoulds in your life.
  • Speak your truth to the person you made the agreement with (realize this may be yourself). Ask them if you can do it in a way that will work for both of you.
  • Find a way to create an 'AND' world. How can you include all that you want to do AND put yourself first?

Saying 'No' can be so uncomfortable and demanding of our higher perspective that we frequently say 'Yes' without considering all it entails. Sadly, most of us have become the master of shoulding on ourselves. We will more willingly betray our own joy and peace for the sake of not disappointing others. The more difficult and much more rewarding path is to embrace the pulsation and step into the Dance of Yes and No

So go ahead, dare to disappoint someone. Say ‘no’ so that you can say ‘yes’ to your own happiness. They may be disappointed at first but when you are clear and stand in your truth, the people that truly care for you will understand and respect the decision to take care of yourself!